Are Your Kids Entitled? - Part Two

You may be thinking, "Okay.  Now that I know a little about how Americans have become so 'entitled,' how is this going to help me raise my kids differently?"  That's a great question!  Acknowledging that a problem exists is only the beginning.  How do you start to make a change?  As the former King of Pop said it, you've got to start "with the man in the mirror!"  

That's right.  The first place you start to help your children learn "good lessons," is to teach them BY EXAMPLE.  Kids will do what you do way before they do what you say!  The funny thing is, most parents don't recognize that their kids are doing what they do because kids are usually less inhibited, more animated, and tend to generalize.  Thus, they do what you do "to the nth power."  Yes, it's true.  You might be startled when they do or say something and ask them, "Where did you get that from?"  However, nine times out of ten, especially during the early childhood years (birth through six years old).

Anyone who has been a parent for any length of time can testify to the fact that usually the most humiliating moments of parenting emanate from the moments when they mimic us in public ... and it seems they usually choose to demonstrate this remarkable talent at church, school events, and in front of judgmental family members and acquaintances - RIGHT?!  Come on, you feel me, don't ya!

So, in order to determine what your child is really learning, you have to start by paying attention!  When they do or say something you feel compelled to correct, ask yourself, "How and when do I do the same thing (or something similar)?"  "When do I feel entitled?"  "How do I respond when my sense of entitlement is strongest?"  "Do I embrace my my sense of entitlement and consumerism to the point where I act as though credit cards a necessity?"  "Do I often say things like 'I got a right ...'?"  You get the idea.  

We can't just look at our kids as though they live in a vacuum.  We affect them.  You want to raise your kids to have less of a sense of entitlement?  Start with yourself! 

There's more to come on entitlement ...

In the meantime, if you have questions or comments, please post them here and I'll make sure the answer you get is just ...

Ruth - Keeping it Real

Begin the New Year With Love .... and Logic!

Many parents who have strong religious beliefs tend to view the Love and Logic® philosophy as an unloving way to raise children.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Love and Logic® works precisely because there's so much love involved in the philosophy; thus... why "Love" is the first word in the trademarked program.

Why do people feel this way?  Well, honestly, most parents believe they need to control their children or be in control of their children in order for their children to learn to obey.  After all, obedience is paramount in parenting, right?  "Our kids must obey!"

If obedience is paramount, and we're supposed to control our kids, why didn't God just make us obey Him?  He could have; it's not like He couldn't.  Why didn't He?  Perhaps God didn't do that because He wanted us to choose to obey; instead of being compliant robots.

When someone is controlling you, how loved do you feel?  Don't you feel manipulated?  Do you feel respected, loved, valued, or appreciated?  Probably not. 

God gives us a choice.  God gives us many choices.  In fact, all of our lives involve choices we must make every day.  If that's how God "raises His children," why would it be unloving for us to follow His example?

Many exclaim, "But, if I give my 3 year old a choice that will endanger him, how is that loving?!"  Love and Logic® doesn't advocate that, nor do they purport that.  That's why God gave your 3 year old you!  It's your job to protect your child from danger.  But, it's not your job to protect him from the choices he might make that will go badly while the price tag is small.  If we rob our children of the opportunities to learn from their own mistakes, how will that help them prepare for the real world?  It won't.

Do you stop your 3 year old from choosing to step off the curb into traffic?  YES!  Do you stop your 3 year old from spending the $5 he got for his birthday on a toy that will break in 2 hours?  No.  Why?  You don't because it's a great opportunity to learn about money at a very early age.  "Can a 3 year old learn that lesson?" you ask.  Yes, he can!  Will he fully understand the value of a dollar?  No.  Will he think twice before he spends his money on another toy in the future?  Yes.  Why?  They can remember.  My Maltese puppy learned to pee outside in 6 weeks.  I'm sure your 3 year old is smarter than my dog.  Aren't you?

Start 2010 with love and add some logic.  Remember:  From the time your kids are born, you set them up to win by gradually weaning them off of you.  Love your kids enough to allow them to make mistakes when the price tag is small, so they will make less of them when the price tag is huge.  Otherwise you run the risk of raising an adult child who chooses to enroll in "The School of Hard Knocks."  No parent wants that.

-Ruth, Keeping It Real